Harvey gets me.

"Go after her. Fuck, don’t sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because that’s what you should do if you love someone, don’t wait for them to give you a sign cause it might never come, don’t let people happen to you, don’t let me happen to you, or her, she’s not a fucking television show or tornado. There are people I might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at four in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and I always thought I’d be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on four days notice because you can’t just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone’s idea of love but it is the way I can recognize it because that is what I do. Go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really." -- Harvey Milk

Annnnnnd this is why he's one of my favourite people in the history of history.

Motto

Today started out really tough. I'm getting sick and I had to get up early to go to work at the drug store. I knew I was in a certain monthly trouble when I woke up with a small pimple on my upper lip. Then on the way to work I almost started crying just listening to Somebody to Love. I had been up for less than an hour and I was already on a rollercoaster. At work I was sniffling and dripping and my eyes were watering and my sinuses were aching. I wanted to spend all my money on cough and cold medicine, then build a mattress out of packages of maxi pads and diapers to sleep on in one of the aisles. I first-world suffered through the whole day and then after work, went to pick up my mama.

We had made plans to go to the gym, and on the way we got into an argument. The Bear was being pretty loud today, grumbling and despairing about each and every little thing; it had me snarling on the defense immediately. So when I finally got to the gym I was almost in sick, hormonal, frustrated tears. As I laced up in the change room I couldn't calm myself down. I talked myself out of the 10K. Into the 10K. Giving up my goals of fitness. Giving up everything. Starving myself. Stuffing myself until I self destructed. It was crazy and manic and I knew I had to run if my emotions were ever going to find balance. It was dragging myself to the run today that I came up with a new motto.

"Someday I will be nothing, so right now I must be everything."
-Me
You heard it here first.

Sometimes, I find honest, weird solace in the fact that life is going to end. Those demotivational posters that say: "When work gets overwhelming, just remember you're going to die someday"? They put things in perfect perspective for me and I think about how inconsequential some things are in the big scheme of life... and death. It's not that I'm sprinting towards the finish line of existence or anything, but nothing soothes my anxiety like realizing that some day, these monumental things and feelings and trials that are freaking me out will all be nothing.

Start living. Write more love poems. Wear what you want. Give your all daily. Other cheesy vague generic and not inspiring statements. POW POW POW.

Albert Camus

I'm sharing some Albert Camus quotes today. He was a French philosopher, and the more I read of his words, the more I think about the world and the smarter I think he was.
Sometimes I really feel like the soul of a blog and the purpose of writing one is all about telling stories, which I don't get to do all the time here. I worry too much about what people will/won't want to read. That's probably stupid, and I probably shouldn't care. If I started a blog to write, I should write...right?

I mean, the interesting thing about online journals is that they can be unfiltered, there's no need to edit them or restrain them. You show as much or as little of yourself as you want. The result is a fairly pure perspective of someone's world and their feelings. How they wish to be seen by the rest of the world. Wishes fulfilled.

Sometimes I feel a lot like content suffers here for the sake of 'blogger commercialism', trying to appeal to the masses. So to remedy this, I'm going to try and update with anecdotes or other written pieces just as I post about outfits or DIY projects as much as I can manage. Just thinking aloud. Anyway, here's a little Camus for you:

"In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer."

"Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal."

"You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life."

"Beauty is unbearable, drives us to despair, offering us for a minute the glimpse of an eternity that we should like to stretch out over the whole of time."