Never Never Never Quit!

Happy Belated Day of Love to all my readers, followers, stalkers, people who took a wrong turn and ended up here!

Between working every day from Monday until God-knows-when, trying to edit and scrape together my Concordia application and portfolio, Jill and Dad's birthdays, Valentine's day and working on a SPECIAL SECRET PROJECT (which I will talk about more in some other post) with Rebekah, I've had my hands busy at all times-- and if I haven't been busy, I've been passed out cold.

The funny thing is, it's not as though I'm rushing around trying to do everything at breakneck speed, I only realize I've been busy when I realize we're 3/4 of the way through February and WHERETHEHELLDIDITGO? I can't be the only one who feels this way. Anyone else accidentally walk through a time tunnel and end up in the future? Just me? Goddamn.

Life of Wiley's 1st Birthday also got caught in this clustercussing crossfire of mayhem. I shouldn't even be BLOGGING right now, but if I want to make it to the kid's second birthday, I better at least try and be a teeny bit consistent and show my face every now and again. (I'm going to be a stellar parent some day.)

I have no idea who Dexter is, but I stole his cake. It's our birthday, betch! (Source.)

I just want to thank all 5 of my followers for jumping on the Bandwagon and staying here for a whole year! WOWOWOWOW. But seriously, next year, 10 followers. WHO KNOWS?
I had a cake recipe planned out and a video blog and there was going to be a stripper, but that all went to shiiiiit with all the stuff going on.

MAYBE SOME OTHER TIME.

UHHHM. Life is life, friends, and that is wisdom I invite you all to enjoy and take all the way to the bank. I lost 2 pounds this week, which is surprising considering the MASS of amazing and terrible food consumed over the weekend (pulled pork grilled cheese, 2 kinds of cupcakes, dynamite handrolls, and buffalo chicken fingers...) But I picked up my pieces, started to eat a little better and squeezed in a couple of workouts. I'm hoping for 3-5 pounds by the end of the month, and then, by the end of April, to drag myself kicking and screaming into the low 170s or high 160s. YES THE 160s. I haven't been there since 1st year, and before that, probably not since grade school. CRAY.

New motto: "Never never never quit!"

Not that I had a motto before. I wrote it on my mirror like those teenage girls who write 'you are beautiful' and shit, just because I need a constant reminder that giving up is the lamest. THE LAMEST.

Motto

Today started out really tough. I'm getting sick and I had to get up early to go to work at the drug store. I knew I was in a certain monthly trouble when I woke up with a small pimple on my upper lip. Then on the way to work I almost started crying just listening to Somebody to Love. I had been up for less than an hour and I was already on a rollercoaster. At work I was sniffling and dripping and my eyes were watering and my sinuses were aching. I wanted to spend all my money on cough and cold medicine, then build a mattress out of packages of maxi pads and diapers to sleep on in one of the aisles. I first-world suffered through the whole day and then after work, went to pick up my mama.

We had made plans to go to the gym, and on the way we got into an argument. The Bear was being pretty loud today, grumbling and despairing about each and every little thing; it had me snarling on the defense immediately. So when I finally got to the gym I was almost in sick, hormonal, frustrated tears. As I laced up in the change room I couldn't calm myself down. I talked myself out of the 10K. Into the 10K. Giving up my goals of fitness. Giving up everything. Starving myself. Stuffing myself until I self destructed. It was crazy and manic and I knew I had to run if my emotions were ever going to find balance. It was dragging myself to the run today that I came up with a new motto.

"Someday I will be nothing, so right now I must be everything."
-Me
You heard it here first.

Sometimes, I find honest, weird solace in the fact that life is going to end. Those demotivational posters that say: "When work gets overwhelming, just remember you're going to die someday"? They put things in perfect perspective for me and I think about how inconsequential some things are in the big scheme of life... and death. It's not that I'm sprinting towards the finish line of existence or anything, but nothing soothes my anxiety like realizing that some day, these monumental things and feelings and trials that are freaking me out will all be nothing.

Start living. Write more love poems. Wear what you want. Give your all daily. Other cheesy vague generic and not inspiring statements. POW POW POW.