Harvey gets me.

"Go after her. Fuck, don’t sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because that’s what you should do if you love someone, don’t wait for them to give you a sign cause it might never come, don’t let people happen to you, don’t let me happen to you, or her, she’s not a fucking television show or tornado. There are people I might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at four in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and I always thought I’d be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on four days notice because you can’t just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone’s idea of love but it is the way I can recognize it because that is what I do. Go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really." -- Harvey Milk

Annnnnnd this is why he's one of my favourite people in the history of history.

Stone Feathers

EDIT: If this post is a mess, it's because I just basically hurled my feelings at the wall and wrote whatever stuck. It's raw and real that way. So...there.

I had a good 5K run today. I've improved 4:04 minutes since the Classic last June!

I'm excited to do it again this year. In the past couple of weeks, running outdoors has become a mainstay. I can run longer, take hills easier, and I even have to pick up my speed at times because I realize I'm running gently, breathing easy. Run hard. That's all.

One day, my fitness goal is to run 5K in under half an hour. Until then, I have a couple of races to keep me on my toes, and to give me something to fight for. One being the Waterloo Classic, and the second one, being a run for a good cause: the Pride and Remembrance Run 5K. (GAYS AND RUNNING? SIGN ME UP!...Oh. Wait. I totally already did dat.)

It's the Saturday before Pride Parade Sunday and donations this year are going to LGBT Youth Line (which I already volunteer for as a blogger) and HALCO. It's really a worthy cause and I'm thrilled to be a part of it. In fact, I'm already looking forward to having a good dash! If you're in the Toronto area and you want to sign up or want more info, you can check out details: here.

And if you're interested in contributing, I'm accepting pledges here...every little bit helps.

My motto for this run is Give Them Hope. It's kind of become a mini campaign in my head. In my daydreams, I see big change and customized t-shirts and video entries and guest bloggers. I know that I'm one person, and that maybe this dream or this micro-crusade of mine never gets off of the ground, but I know that if nothing else, I'll be running. I'll be doing my part.

I'm running for myself: When I run, I shatter the barriers of my own expectations. When I look at where I'm going and the miles that I have come to be where I am, I'm on wings. Lifted, when I used to be carved of heavy stone, threatening to crumble into nothing. I stop using the words 'I can't' and instead say, 'I will.' I've earned EVERY SINGLE STEP that I've taken across hard ground, across the sidewalks in my neighborhood, and across finish lines. When I run-- I am more than I have ever imagined I could be. The pain and the speed and the aches and the tears are worth the power and the animal joy that comes when I find myself exhausted, but gunning to the finish. When I'm out of life and motive, but I get up the next day, run again, and keep on living. I'm romanticizing it hard, yeah but... shit. It's true. All of it. It's my hope.

I'm running for others: Harvey Milk said it best. Without hope, the us's give up. I talk about him here time and time again, because he's right. It is SO important that people understand their power is their potential. Participating in the run also supports the gay community in Toronto and the idea that we are here to take care of each other. Love one another. Potential as power is crucial, but it is even more important, I think, to feel like part of something, part of a community. A community is power, and potential, and it's all based off of love. When I run on June 30th, I'm going to be putting out every step because of love. Because I want to spread the love, open my heart to the world and send a message across the globe. You're not alone. You're beautiful and you're loved. I'm not the only one who feels this way. And when you spread that love and you give them hope, you turn stone to feathers, and chains to wings.

....That's all I'd want for someone else, too.

The Hope Speech

I saw this story on the news today and it broke my heart. I sat with tears streaming down my cheeks, crushing Telly in my arms, unable to find words beyond anger and cutting sorrow.

I wish I could reach out to every single kid who ever felt alone, unloved, rejected, or trashed out. I might not be gay, but I’ve been there. Bullied and watching all of your friends fall in teenage love? Fuck, sometimes I feel like I’m still stuck in that state of mind, left in the dust. When I think about the person I was at 15, that girl was worlds away from who I am now. She had a lot to learn, a lot to become. I have become and it makes me so sad this boy never will have that chance.

I think these are feelings EVERYONE goes through, in different magnitudes. But for someone so young to be so mixed up with medications and circumstances that death at fifteen is their only option? It’s crushing. I’m furious. I’m destroyed. As a former suffering teenager, as someone who has lost a good friend to suicide, I’m moved.

One of my greatest wishes is for these kids, these lost souls, to know they have options. They can have freedom. They can have all the love in the fucking world, it’s out there, it’s waiting. It’s pounding in the hearts of a million people who will love them. My heart being one of them. Every time I hear something like this, it becomes more and more important to me to live a life guided by spreading love. That’s all I want. I want to give love.

Harvey Milk, one of my absolute heroes, said it best: “The only thing they have to look forward to is hope. And you have to give them hope. Hope for a better world, hope for a better tomorrow, hope for a better place to come to if the pressures at home are too great. Hope that all will be all right. Without hope, not only gays, but the blacks, the seniors, the handicapped, the us'es, the us'es will give up. You gotta give ‘em hope.”