X-Rated

WARNING: If you're uncomfortable with the word dildo, I would leave this post. You WILL miss the retelling of my first Fantasia party, but then, you won't want to be reading it anyway because I use the world dil- well. You get the idea.

For those of you who don't know (AKA no one who reads this blog) yesterday was Spirit Day! I've been blowing up basically all of my social network outlets about the whole thing. I've was feeling a funny cocktail of pride and warm love combined with a deep solemn nature. It makes things a little strange in the world inside my head.

Aside from that, yesterday was also eventful in TWO big ways.

1. I GOT A HAIRCUT. I know this sounds like a ditzy ass thing to say but allow me to explain. I couldn't remember the last time I had a haircut. I want to say it's been like....five or six months at least. I don't remember.... I HONESTLY don't remember. At the beginning of August, a couple months into our 10K training, I told Jill I would get my hair done after the 10K. She looked at me and was, "Riley...that's a long time."
"You're right. I probably won't wait that long."
AND THEN I DID. It was like a playoff beard. Like a Movember 'stache. But you know what... I don't miss it!

2. I went to a sexy party. Oh sorry, sex toy party. Wait, no ...FANTASIA party. (Ding ding ding!) A lady at Rebekah's work was having one at her house, and snagged an invite. I'd never been to one before (life experience ....I at least figured it would make a good blog) and being single/living with my parents, I am here going to admit that I was like WOO PAR-TAY! ...At least until I got there.

Rebekah, myself, and her mom (who is actually way-cool) found ourselves in a basement. A nicely finished basement where you might curl up with your family and watch movie. Except this basement was filled with seated, chatting middle aged ladies, one of whom stood at the front, waiting. The table was covered with bottles of lotions and potions, and oh yeah, a BIG REALISTIC PENIS DILDO. Me + Women as old as my mom + looking at potential sexytime items = uncomfortable.

When the rep of the company of started her presentation, she asked how many people had NEVER been to one before. Myself and one other lady were the only two to raise our hands. I was about to break into a cold sweat. I thought for sure I was going to get picked on. But as the presentation went on and everybody was laughing and having a good time and tasting raspberry flavoured body powder and strawberry champagne flavoured, heat activated body oil, we all loosened up...Poor choice of words. I mean, I know that sex is a REALLY natural, human thing and it's nothing to be uncomfortable with or ashamed about. I know it's about intimacy and importance, but it's not like it is in the movies. Slow motion and well lit and romantic. Hell, sometimes it's probably even FUNNY, so why not open up and laugh at ourselves? It ended up being a good time! Everyone had a sense of humor about the whole thing and there were so many women there I was able to slide under the radar... at least until we were supposed to read out our sexy aliases, which had to invent and write on our penis shaped name tags. (I am now Clit Middleton, the Duchess of Cumbridge, in case y'all were wondering.)

When I got home, mama, my dad and my uncle were sitting on the couch. I had been dreading the moment, imagining the confrontation, but with two extra cards in the deck, my nerves were on edge. I was assuming that my mom would assume I was guilty before I was innocent. I didn't think she'd bring it up with them there. But she looked at me, straight in the face and said, "Fantaaaaasiaaaa! DID YOU BUY ANYTHING?"

God damnit, ma. My parents and my uncle, staring me down I was the QUICKEST to protest. "No mom, that would be totally weird! GUH! OHMYGOD. How can you even ASK ME THAT?"

Either way. After the party, Rebekah and I snapped pictures of our purple swag. I tried to do my best Derek Zoolander. It sort of maybe worked, but I'm not really really really really really ridiculously goodlooking...