The Bear has been on the prowl lately. I think, combined with PMS raises it and my buried anxieties about the run are bringing it to the front. It's on the 16th, so we are officially two days away. And, not to sound like someone making New Years resolutions, but after the run, I'm hoping to get back into a better health routine in terms of going to the gym and watching what I eat. I've been TERRIBLE lately... like reality TV terrible and I think it's effecting my mood and my confidence, for starters.
The Bear scares away my optimism and I crawl back into bed at 4 in the afternoon because I don't want to go downstairs and eat everything in the kitchen out of some nameless anxiety and feelings of being emotionally and physically hideous. Some bitterness. I don't know...it's not a good state of mind. I'm not looking for sympathy here, I'm just saying, that's how out of whack I get around this time. Jill and Rebekah both separately suggested going on the pill to help regulate some of my hormones, which I think might be a good idea. Except that you need to get your doctor to give you a PAP, and in my peaky, pre-PMS whiny sensitive state, the worst idea ever seems to be an old guy looking at my lady parts, analyzing them while he thinks about the bad golf game he had on the weekend.
It wouldn't be the first time something like this has happened to me.
(For those of you who aren't educated, that's the journal I had before this one. Warning: The post talks about my tits and the awkward doctor appointment where they were first revealed to the world. Yes, I said tits.)
Either way. To lift our spirits and get some stuff done, Bek and I went Halloween shopping today. I got white pants, suspenders, shoes, a wig and a moustache. My Freddie ensemble is basically complete. (Weird story: While we were at the second costume store, we saw costume moustaches made out of 100 percent REAL HUMAN HAIR. WTF IS THAT.) I'm looking forward to Halloween more and more and more. I've never even been a big fan of it...(I was traumatized by a booby trapped house as a child, true story) but this year I'm actually SO excited. My love of Freddie combined with my love of gay bars will explode into black and orange glittery love. Seriously. Bek got a lot of the stuff for her costume. GO TEAM US!
After shopping we went out for dinner and spoke about the sort of near but also slightly distant future. We spoke about Chuck Palahniuk's soon to be released book Damned, and of our prospective lives if we moved to Montreal. Nous avons parlé de l'étudie le Francais. University and work. My prospective writing portfolio. Ogling the Montreal men. Apartment warming parties. I don't know. It was enough to bring a little warmth back into my bones and lift my spirits. That's what friends are for!
Plans? Costume? Tits? TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT.
Riley, my favoritest Canadian ever, I think that my "animal" may be coming out of hiding soon. It's almost that time of the month, after all. And I'm sure we can blame my bitchiness (which doesn't materialize in the interwebs all too often) on my "mongoose" shall we say? (Not as fierce as yours, but it's deadly.)
ReplyDeleteI'm excited for your race and very very proud that you're doing it. Keep looking ahead, and forget all the bad "reality TV" stuff. Keep. forging. on.
I read your post on the tits, and I didn't even know sweat glands could be blocked and manifested as lumps... That's some crazy stuff!
Plan-wise, I'm sure you know where I'm currently at. I am in dire need of creative outlets. Like job-wise, i'd like a hands-on, creative job. Please. Costume? I'm re-doing Batwoman, Kate Kane. Tits? I worry about lumps sometimes, moreso lately because it seems like mine are getting bigger.
Happy Weekend!
♥ laura
the blog of worldly delights