Sitcom

I am a character in a sitcom. I'm am convinced of this because:

A) I get into situations you would find in a sitcom.
B) I react like a TV character, this meaning... Not rationally. (Also, a lot of the time I see the people around me as characters in their own lives. I'm like Abed from Community, and the way he analyzes everyone like they're on a TV show. Whether this is healthy or not really remains to be seen.)

For example: Today at work, we were finishing up our money counts so we could all go home for the night. I dropped a nickel on the ground counting out my till and it was like the scene in A Christmas Story where Ralphie's dad has to change the tire on the car.
"Ohhhhh fffffffuuuuuuuu-dddgggee..." I said.
"Were you just going to swear? Were you going to say fuck?" My manager asked.

Then she went on to say that I'm so NICE and sweet and innocent. So much so that when I swear she finds it surprising. (This is where everyone I know in real life bursts out laughing. I have a bit of a profanity problem...especially when I'm driving. The word 'sluts' comes into play a LITTLE too often.) In fact, my manager called me the Preacher's Daughter. Not the naughty misbehaving kind-- the GOOD kind. I was shocked, and to be honest, appalled. I guess that's the kind of image I project at work, being happy all the time. I always try to be as nice to people as possible... So don't ask me WHY I found this label surprising or offensive. It was one of those irrational things sitcom characters do. I immediately wanted to begin swearing like a sailor, just to make a point. Just to prove that old line from Fight Club: you are not your job. You are not who you ARE at your job.

I spent my drive home imagining ways to prove that I'm NOT a goodie two-shoes, in hypothetical ways. They started out hilariously small, such as not charging people for bags, or wearing bright coloured converse. Then they started getting more extreme: caught shoplifting. Speeding tickets. Losing it in an aisle and trashing items off the shelves. I'm actually thinking about writing a mini pilot episode, just to stretch my writing legs. I'll call it: THE LIFE OF RILEY! (Which was already a sitcom in the 1950s, but shush.)
This isn't the first time I've thought this way: that I'm a character in a TV show. In fact I'm pretty sure I've ranted to my friend Josh about this fact a couple of times. Josh specifically, for some reason.

Like the time I thought a guy at my internship was asking me out for coffee, when really, he was asking me to GET him a coffee.

Or the time I went to see 127 Hours with a friend-- not the kind of friend I was comfortable crying around-- and had to keep myself from all out BAWLING at the end of the movie. Awkward central.

OR the time when I-- oh geez. You get the point here. Life is comical. It's only a matter of time before I start hallucinating a laugh track, I get my own theme song and some wacky neighbors move in next door to fuel the fire.